Women often get their first lessons in lovemaking and sex from their men. This is fine but has an important drawback; they learn about “male sex” rather than “female sex” and there are some very basic differences between the two.
We will look at these differences and then look at ways in which women and men are surprisingly similar.
Men and women … the differences.
Studies by sexologists have shown that there is a pattern of response to erotic activity in men and in women. The sequence of events is similar but there are some intriguing and important differences.
The sexual response
The sexual response ‘cycle’ in men.
Suppose a man is thinking about sex or looking at erotic literature or photos or even seeing a very sexy girl’s thighs. His erotic interest is aroused and he gets hot. The erection of the penis is a fairly early sign of arousal. The sexual tension rises, various other changes occur, blood flow to the penis increases.
Ultimately the tension reaches a plateau, the point of no return. He knows that he is going to climax, come what may! The viscid mucoud discharge is expelled from the penis – this is called semen. The orgasm follows and the sexual tension wanes rapidly and drops to zero.
He is ‘spent’ and he must have a rest before he can be aroused again. This resting phase may vary from a few minutes in a young buck in the bloom of his youth, to hours, or even days, in an older man.
The sexual response ‘cycle’ in women.
The response in females is basically the same but with some important differences.
If a woman is thinking or planning sex the tension rises. The vagina lubricates in preparation for sex. The tension continues to rise but does so at a slower rate than in men (men take an average of 3 minutes to climax as opposed to the 18 minutes that is the average of for women). Finally she reaches the plateau; the feeling that she is going to come. The orgasm follows and the tension subsides but it does not go back to the resting phase (as it does in men) but to the plateau, which means that she is almost ready to ‘come’ again. A woman can indeed, climax again and again. Perhaps this is Nature’s way of evening things out.
Men climax once each time they have sex. Women may miss out on orgasms some times, but when they co climax they can have multiple orgasms.
This does not mean that all women are multi-orgasmic, many are not. There are also many women who do not know about this difference between men and women and therefore do not even try for the second or subsequent climax.
For women there are times when the orgasm is of secondary importance, they want loving and tenderness from their man and will be fulfilled even without a climax. At other times they will feel a strong need for orgasm and should let their partner know this. It is important to tell your partner that you are about to climax or you are ready for penetration and even the need for lovemaking. There is no rule that says men should be the ones who initiates sex.
Day to day variations in sexual feelings.
The sexuality of women is not the same every day. The changes in the hormones from day to day in a menstrual cycle, impose an emotional cycle on women which has a powerful effect on their attitude to the world in general, and to sex specifically.
As a period begins there is a period of release and many women actually feel very sexy at this time of their ‘month’. After the period there is a general upswing in mood and this includes a more receptive attitude to lovemaking. This good feeling continues in an upward swing to reach a peak at about the time of ovulation. (Nature is very crafty and wants us to procreate)!
After the ovulation and heading towards the next period, some women go into an aggressive and loving phase . During this phase, intercourse is unwelcome. The man seeking sexual solace from his partner at this cycle in his woman’s emotions will know when to make an approach and when to leave well alone.
During his wife’s days of anger he will step backward, and quietly wait for the return of his warm loving darling when the storm passes. Of course let it be said loudly and clearly that women are not merely the playthings of their hormones ). They are powerfully influenced by all manner of input from other sources, such as the movies, books, the attention of a highly desired man, their own erotic fantasies and the likes.
Men of course, are such less complicated. Their libido is less cyclical; in fact they are almost constantly available. They learn how to recognize the subtle signals put out by their wives, and respond enthusiastically when the signals are favorable!
“Men give love to get sex, women give sex to get love”.
Men and women ……. the similarities
In spite of the obvious differences between them, women and men are surprisingly alike in some interesting ways.
The most important similarity is that men and women get the most exquisite pleasure of sex and the orgasm from the same part of their bodies; the penis in the male and its counterpart, the clitoris, in the female. The clitoris (like the penis) is very endowed with sensory nerves and is very sensitive to touch. It is this little organ that triggers the orgasm in the female and not the vagina.
The ‘little man in the boat’, as the clitoris is often referred to, should be accorded a special place in lovemaking. The G-spot has never been seen by anybody, but the clitoris is there for the looking.
These similarities and differences between men and women seem self-evident. And yet many of the sex problems that are encountered in practice stem form ignorance of these very facts.